When WHY hurts and WHAT is useless
Helping to ask WHY is key --ultimately the only way-- to seriously motivating people. When we help people ask WHY-questions they will inevitably be inspired to self driven action. But asking WHY can also hurt, in fact, if we're not careful WHY may be counterproductive and do a lot of damage.
| The natural tendency for any parent, spouse, manager, colleague or coach is to ask WHY when something goes wrong. The "WHY did you...? approach" can be counterproductive when coming from another person in retrospect. WHY seldom rectifies the wrong when filled with blame and guilt. We drive the other person into a defensive mode. Just think about it... When we make a mistake, most of the time it's hard to explain WHY we made a bad choice, and it certainly isn't fun to elaborate on stupid mistakes.
|
|
||||||||||
I see people doing this all the time. Let's be clear. It doesn't work.
Lesson # 1: How we tend to fail
When someone is to blame we tend to "ask WHY and tell WHAT".
Lesson # 2: How we can succeed
To inspire others to change we should "ask WHAT and discuss WHY".
By making a fairly simple switch from the ineffective "asking WHY and telling WHAT" to the effective "asking WHAT and discussing WHY" we make a meaningful difference in the lives of others. We get rid of blaming and fighting. Instead we introduce fruitful discussion. Just try it out. You'll quickly discover the positive effect it has!
|
Asking WHAT means we establish objectively the things that went wrong. Once we've agreed what went wrong, then discussing WHY will be an opportunity to appreciate new and mutual learning. Suddenly asking WHY becomes positive and has meaning. It becomes a solution to problems to prevent them from happening again. It points the way to a brighter future and instills hope - it makes passion grow - makes mission become clear. WHY is the beginning of everything! | |||||||||
Kommentarer
Logg inn eller opprett brukerkonto for å kommentere.