How You Feel Determines What You Hear
Have you ever felt misunderstood? Do you know why you were misunderstood? Was it because of what you said? Or could it be that the misunderstanding(s) occured due to feelings rather than words?
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Are words more than just sound moderated by our lips? If anything, what should we say, and how could we say it?
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There is nothing so hurtful as being totally ignored or misunderstood, is there? And equally devastating, being critized or scolded for something we said or did with the best of intentions. Let me share a quick story to make just that point:
| Thirty-five years ago I was a small boy running around in our garden. Then my friend next door and I made an interesting discovery. My dad had put in some new windows in the basement. We quickly found that if we threw a big enough rock at the windows it made a great sound and took on an interesting new shape. Little did I know that we did something wrong. I just thought it was a lot of fun.
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Lesson # 1: Our Internal Conversation Is What Changes Us
What a tragedy it was to me when I discovered what I had done. I had caused my dad pain, and I deeply wanted to make up for it. Now tell me, what would have happened had my dad responded with anger and a lack of respect for his four year old son? Would it have had the same impact on me? Not a chance. Why not? I believe our conscience and feelings are far more effective than words or even physical punishment.
Lesson # 2: Feelings Enhance Memory
I'm pretty sure this lesson would have been quickly forgotten had it not been for the sincere approach of my own father. But because he made me feel the consequences of my actions this experience is still with me today. His words had real meaning to me. Not only do these feelings serve as a reminder of what happened, but today (and forever) also as a constant guide to how I should pay the same kind of respect to my own children.
Lesson # 3: Mutual Respect Changes "Short Term Bad" to "Long Term Good"
What a powerful and long lasting example he set for me that particular day. Even more importantly, he turned a hopeless situation into a memorable teaching moment.
Lesson # 4: Communication Is Felt More Than Heard
Feelings outweigh words in every shape and form. If we do not feel favorable to another person, nothing that person says will ever have an effect on us. When it comes to communication, feelings are on a lower, more significant, level than words. Now ask yourself; could it be that there exists a level of communication that's even more important than feelings?
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