Albert Mehrabian's well-known research (1971) gave an indication of the relative importance of verbal, vocal and visual messages. What other factors are at play when seeking to influence the final outcome of an important decision?

Verbal, vocal and visual messages are all part of the Optimal Dialog. This dialog represents the peak and crowning frontline of communication.   However, underneath this top layer we find two equally important areas of influence. These two layers precede the Optimal Dialog in order. How?

Red

The bottom layer in red represents the Operational Dialog. It deals with strategy and position. For instance, a clear purpose and strong position affects your attitude and perception of the world around you.

Blue

In turn, position gives relationships meaning and power, which is the second and blue layer. The Opinional Dialog is where feelings can be shared without risk and restrictions.

Green

Likewise, only when position and relationships are in place will the technicalities of the top layer - the Optimal Dialog - really have the desired effect.

To get results

Most sales training aims at the top level of the influence pyramid. In other words, people receive their training without even a basic understanding of the power behind the two preceding layers. Our training and research seems to support a) the importance of paying equal attention to each layer and b) that traditional training only works when done in this order.

Influence is mastering communication on all three levels. That's why most sales training frequently has little effect on performance and results.

Are you a successful person? That might be a difficult question to answer, and our response may vary depending on what we have in mind, too. At times we all like to think that we're successful. However, when we're at a low point, and everybody hits rock bottom sometimes, we may feel like failures. What is the true measure of success?

Success can be measured in many ways. Yet, if we are to go to the heart of the matter, it's really not that difficult. Success lies in people. Other people. Of course we can be successful as an individual, but essential to any success is our relationship with and dependence - or rather interdependence - on other people.

If other people is the deciding factor of success, then sooner or later we need to understand two most basic facts: 1) Each person is unique. Success is built one person at a time. 2) People require constant effort. We may have a great relationship with someone, but unless we respect and nurture the connection, the relationship will quickly deteriorate and become counterproductive and hurtful.

When I do training I always find one of the most rewarding moments when people begin to realize the power of one-on-one. In fact, I try not to highlight our company name too forcefully when in a training seesion. Why? Because, at a certain point during interaction, someone inevitably says something like this: "So what you're saying is - influencing one person at a time is much more effective than trying to convince two or more at the same time?" That's when it's fun to remind them of our company name.

The following quote is so fitting in this respect:

It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses. (Dag Hammarskjold, Past Secretary-General of the UN - quoted by Stephen R. Covey.)

When we concentrate on individuals we have a real chance of practicing long lasting influence. It is when true influence reaches one person at a time that the masses are set in motion through the ripple effect of "the one-on-one principle". One-on-one is the true measure of success!

I can tell you what your problem is...

Whatever challenge you face, it begins and ends with your degree of influence. When you fail it is because you are not quite as influential as you need to be. On the other hand, when you succeed it is because you exercised influence to such a degree that things fell into place. There's really nothing more to be said. Influence is what it's all about!

So what is influence and how do you get it, or rather, how do you exercise and increase it?

Of course, there's no simple answer to this paramount question. Yet, there is a lot be learned and when we understand some basic principles, influence may dramatically increase and help us accomplish great results. First, it's important to see how influence operates on three levels:

1. Personal
   • Personal influence (i.e. productive ability) results in private victories.
2. Interpersonal
   • Interpersonal influence (i.e. persuasive ability) results in public victories.
3. Intergenerational (or systematical)
   • Intergenerational influence (i.e. sensitive ability) results in historic and permanent victories (breaking with old patterns.)

										The ultimate kind of influence seems to be somehow evidenced by "an improvement in the subsequent generation(s)".   Consider for a moment people who have changed the course of history. Whereas not all of them left a name and fame for good, we may learn significant lessons from what they did. Two characteristics stand out:
Chores: Washing the car or affecting a clean mind?

1) We usually tend to quite easily class them as either heroes or traitors. 2) Not all heroes are recognized by the masses, but they each have a faithful following.

Lessons to be learned..? All influence represents the sowing of a seed and eventually the fruits are judged by those who witness them as either good or bad. Also, not all good influence is recognized by many, but they always affect a growing awareness by those who enjoy the fruits.

Note: If intergenerational influence, the highest form of influence, is anything remotely close to success - the real and lasting success of life - then success may not be what you initially think it is.

For this reason we provide our fast growing community with an understanding of the 3 Energies to:

• help you more successfully reach others with a message
  ...when selling, influencing, negotiating, mediating, counseling - in short, effective influence in every setting.

• avoid quick-fix techniques and manipulation
  Since it's possible and tempting to abuse (persuasive) power we help influential people to understand that true and lasting - long term - persuasion, indeed conviction, is dependent on applying correct principles.

• bring structure to all existing sales models and theories to get to action
  Thousands of books and hundreds of sales models can each increase performance, but with the big picture in place we visualize and clarify actionable principles. Theory is nothing! Action is everything! But power to execute does, however, come from healthy and sound theory.

• leverage excellence by liberating individual and collective talent
  The most frightening loss in sales people is the lack of personal talent and energy. What does it take to remove the barriers that keep individuals and teams from blossoming and bring out what they already have inside?

Conclusion

The highest form of influence is filled with purpose and consequently is the most rewarding and fulfilling kind of interaction. The most powerful influence always enters the scene when we work on the highest and third level:

Just like when children doing their chores are building a character more than doing whatever else they do, everything we do can have a higher, more rewarding purpose and lasting effect. Ask yourself: How can I influence others to achieve a more honorable objective? How can we influence influential people by not just selling to make a living, but mastering influence to make a life ...one person at a time?

Influence is energy. In turn, energy can be divided into three different kinds. The 3E blog is about The 3 Energies which explain the one thing that really matters - INFLUENCE.

Conviction is the fruit of effective influence. To effectively influence someone, you need to send signals on three levels. All people pick up these signals, even though they may not know they do. What are these signals, and how do they work?

Regardless of how complex communication, teaching, selling, conflict or any form of human interaction may be, it always consists of three basic elements. And these elements are the solution to how we can find, reach and inspire each other.

The process always begins inside with "inner conviction". Then it extends to include other people through "shared conviction". Once we truly and humbly understand each other, then channels of external inspiration are opened to "discovered conviction". It's only when these convictions are in place that we come close to reaching our full interdependent potential.

				PASSION: Inner Conviction Inner conviction precedes all else. To convince others you first need to be truly convinced yourself. Inner conviction is evidenced by "the heart being on fire" (PASSION).
				CONNECTION: Shared Conviction Once the heart is right, other hearts may be reached. The purpose of shared conviction is to establish an atmosphere of trust. Shared conviction is evidenced by hearts and minds being knit together, and you can feel it (CONNECTION).
				INTUITION: Discovered Conviction To reach true commitment it is not enough to understand each other. Understanding and connecting is merely the means to an end; to create something new. Through hard and patient interactive labor people sometimes tap into intuitive powers. When their talents and abilities are joined they can make groundbreaking discoveries, which is evidence of discovered conviction (INTUITION).

Passion, Connection and Intuition are each channels through which we send signals to those around us. Only as strong, clean and in sync these signals are will we find true and solid conviction; conviction that is:

1. deeply rooted inside
2. altruistically shared and
3. emotionally owned through the experience of mutual discovery.

That's when a message has power!

						It's what you communicate between the lines that becomes the message. The people around you do not pick up what you say, but rather what you have deep inside. Indeed "we're spilling our guts all the time". If you're unaware of your own feelings and emotions, you're also unconsciously communicating what you didn't want to.

Everything you do - even some of what you say - carries signals between the lines and leaves indelible impressions. Maybe your intention was convincing someone of something, but more than reaching that someone with those convincing arguments, you always pass on to them "who you are". Every type of interaction during the day - every day - is simply constant branding of ourselves to our surroundings. Yes, whether we like it or not.'

The world around us does mostly not perceive us the way we view ourselves. Just think about last time you saw yourself on television. Was it awkward? And you know why, right? What can we do to send out what we need to communicate, and how can we make sure people indeed perceive it the way our message was intended? The answer is Passion - Connection - Intuition. Click any of the links to begin a fascinating journey discovering what influence is all about.

Principles are often best shared by means of a story or analogy. Here's one that offers depth to the value of individuals and how the fruits of networking are but a fringe benefit of what really matters: Caring for others!

Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. "Pardon, O King," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?" The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let him go.

Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap. Tied down by strong ropes the Mouse heard the Lion's roar. Coming to its rescue and seeing the sad plight in which the Lion was, immediately it went up to him and soon gnawed away the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts.

When freed, the Mouse said to the Lion: "You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me no repayment for your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."

From a sales perspective, Aesop provides us with a great number of lessons. Some of these may be:

• Never abuse power when you are in a position to do so. Only realize your position allows you to offer mercy you yourself need more than whoever you are offering it to.

• Never be intimidated by the power or authority of others. Only realize that some time in the future roles may be reversed.

• People have value regardless of who they are. Positions have no impact on success in the long run,

• ...but you never know who's who around the next bend.

• Ignore every indication of relative importance among humans,

• ...but maintain a clear view of how the world around you perceives rank and importance.

It is when you rise above, that you begin to grow your ability to influence influential people, becoming one yourself.

I found a charming multimedia presentation on the Lion and the mouse fable. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did?

"I can't help it, that's just how I feel..." Well, that's not good enough! You are in charge, even in charge of your feelings. That may sound harsh, but being in charge of your feelings in large measure decides how successful you are.

Yes, I know. Feelings can't be helped. Sometimes they just come, don't they? In fact, they pretty much do so all the time. Of course there's no simple answer. However, maybe we're not so much a victim of feelings after all?!

Feelings and emotions are a direct result of how we perceive the world around us. For instance, let's say a colleague turns to you and says: "Aren't you turning a little fat and out of shape?" Would that trigger feelings? What if there was a way to filter and help us steer those feelings in a desired direction even before any type of stimulus is allowed to trigger them?

Any type of stimulus is a form of energy							We have good news for you. Such a filter does exist. It's readily available to us. All we have to do is apply it. For the sake of keeping it simple we've divided the subject into three parts. There are three different types of stimuli that trigger feelings and emotions. We call these stimuli "sources of energy". Every kind of stimulus is a form of energy. Had it not been energy, it would not have reached us in the first place.

Energy can be witnessed all around us, but most energy (if not all) is invisible. Invisible or not, these energies broadcast their messages to us through what we might call channels. Let's briefly consider each of these three groups of channels.

Passion

Passion is energy from within. The first channel through which we receive inbound energy and powerful stimulus is from the inside and ourselves. One example of this kind of energy could be "self talk". All of us have a constant conversation going with ourselves. What messages are you giving yourself? Is there a way to filter self talk and be in charge?

Connection

Connection is energy from others. Another channel through which we receive energy is from the people around us. Did you ever distinguish between so-called good and bad vibes from someone? Of course you did. Having a conversation with any person allows us to pick up signals, but a lot of times we misinterpret them. What kind of stimulus are you experiencing from other people? Are you always correct in your interpretation of what they're passing on? And for that matter, do you think they always consciously know what signals the sending you?

Intuition

Intuition is energy from other sources. Maybe a largely underestimated channel is the stimulus we receive from undefined and unknown sources. Did you ever experience a sudden but powerful impression? How does it feel when a groundbreaking idea just hits your brain. Just the fact that it can leave as quickly as it came appears to me as evidence that it's indeed from the outside. Did you ever sense that there is more than just ourselves and the people around us that influences us?

Pick any book on sales, influence, communication, negotiation or even "success" in general, and you'll see that it's about at least one of these three channels. 3E is about mastering all three channels of influence.

Do you want to know how each of these can give you greater control of your emotional life? Do you want to know how they influence the people around you - your family, colleagues, customers? Passion, Connection and Intuition work both ways. That's when the subject gets interesting! Make sure to subscribe to this blog and read my comments about each of those channels coming soon.

Much has been written about success, maybe almost to an excess, thus possibly making "success" unclear and difficult. Is there not a way to keep it short and to the point? There is! This blog post answers - simply - those two questions sought after by so many: 1) What is success, and 2) what does it take to be successful?

What is success?

The core of success is threefold:

1. Discovering what you want - PASSION
2. Consistently working with others to get it - CONNECTION
3. Refining skills and application of principles to adjust to reality - INTUITION

When applied, each step quickly becomes a cyclical pattern that ever brings us to higher levels. Once you've visited each of them, maybe step 1 transforms into "discovering what you should want", step 2 into "working with others to get what they want" and step 3 into realising that you actually "enjoy the journey of development itself" ...and so it keeps lifting you and those around you to higher, continually greater, satisfaction and self awareness.

Whoever is rich, famous or even dramatically gifted may not be successful at all! Success is a process, not a final destination. Thus, people may find sudden superfluous "success" without the required process, only to find neither the happiness nor the satifsfaction they expected.

And here's the icing on the cake: Success becomes increasingly more generic the more you experience it. We gradually sense that the essence of success looms much higher than money and "the things of this world". Ultimately, success is freedom from external conditions and is more a feeling and awareness than anything else. Wealth may be, and sometimes is, an outward expression of something that was created inside long before it became visible on the outside.

Interestingly, not only do Passion, Connection and Intuition define success. Passion, Connection and Intuition also explain how we can be successful.

What does it take to have success?

PASSION

More important than anything else is an inside drive to withstand opposition and natural tendencies. When you decide to have success (in any specified way) you're instantly faced with breaking out of old patterns. Passion helps you stay at it!

CONNECTION

We need to find individuals that not only can help pull us in the right direction, but who also care about us enough that they actually will. The world is interdependent and there's no other way than to succeed with others. Connection binds us together!

INTUITION

Success does not immediately pay off. This is the nature of big worthwhile achievements. It takes time! Doing small and simple yet significant daily actions takes discipline. Acquiring skills takes discipline, and discipline takes skill. However, listening to the inside voice is ultimately what really makes the leap to tipping-point results. It's knowing that you didn't do it on your own - not even together with others. Intuition does exactly that!

Conclusion

Success is best summarized in three words: Passion, Connection, Intuition. They tell us both what success is and how it can be achieved.

PASSION is energy coming from the inside. CONNECTION is energy shared between us. INTUITION is energy coming from the outside and the unknown.

Passion, Connection and Intuition are each a type of energy - they are the 3 Energies (3E). 3E is what success is all about. In this setting they are especially applied to sales and influence, but eventually they apply to every aspect of life.

Success - keep it simple!

What you say, how you say it and when you say it is extremely important in sales. However, words and even details mean next to nothing if you don't understand what gives them power and meaning. Effective Influence is balancing three dialogs at the same time. Here's when words and technique begin to have the desired effect.

Traditional sales training focuses on words and techniques. That's all good, but it will not help much if words are spoken in a weak and failing context.

Effective influence is alligning and sending out corresponding messages on three levels.

Level 1

As we can see from the illustration above, there are three levels of communication. On the first level we position ourselves and make sure that our message is relevant and important.

Level 2

With a strong position and an important message it's easier to establish a good and meaningful relationship - with the right people.

Level 3

Words are a function of feelings and emotions. We interpret other people among other things by how we feel about them. If we have positive and warm feelings for someone, communication flows naturally and understanding is high. On the other hand, if there's conflict and unresolved emotions, words have less power and the risk of misunderstanding each other increases.

It only makes sense to pay attention to words and details (the Optimal Dialog) if you've first made sure the other two dialogs are in place, i.e. nurturing mutual respect (the Operational Dialog) and building a feeling of friendship (the Opinional Dialog).

If you want to truly connect with people and become influential, you need to master what we call the Opinional Dialog. A lot of sales people believe Connection is about building rapport. Well, it certainly is a lot more than that. How do we start connecting the right way?

In -- any type of conversation -- communication takes place on at least three levels. We refer to these three levels of communication as dialogs. For a conversation to be successful each of these dialogs need to be running in sync, i.e. they need to carry messages that are aligned with each other - they need to correspond. If they don't correspond, the other person will be hearing conflicting signals. When we send out conflicting signals influential power is lost.

One of these three dialogs is the Opinional Dialog, which is foundational to establishing efffective connections.

Three levels of communication each unleashing energy through which information flows

As the above model illustrates the Opinional Dialog is the type of dialog that makes up the second level. This means that it's dependent on the first level - the Operational Dialog - which precedes it. What does this mean? Simply put, one cannot really have a good second level dialog without having the first level dialog in place. Why?

...because the 3E levels deal with:

1. What both parties perceive about your POSITION (level 1)
2. Who you TRUST and who they TRUST (level 2)
3. How WORDS and SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES run in sync with position and trust (level 3)

Let's quickly illustrate with an extremely simplified example:

What you've just communicated to Peter may be heard and perceived by him as: "You're ranking higher than me - being equal to Bob, my superior. However, you consider me an important part of solving the problems Bob wants to have solved."

In other words, whatever you say after this may more easily allow you to establish a relationship with Peter because he's open and ready to listen. We're aiming for higher communication levels where it's safer to exchange feelings and honest opinions. That's the basic paradigm of the Opinional Dialog. It's where opinions are freely exchanged without manipulation.

Note the basic principle of how communication on one level necessarily precedes another.

To summarize: Operational Dialogs (level 1) lead to Passion, meaning it triggers a sincere interest and opens up the other channels of Connection and Intuition. Therefore, before Connection can be established Passion first needs to be in place. If we try to change the order, building a relationship of trust will be very difficult to do.

Asking WHO

The Opinional Dialog is about asking and working with WHO:

• Who has influence on (e.g. final decision)?
• Who needs what we have to offer?
• Who understands our message?
• etc

Once we've answered the WHO-questions we're ready to build a good relationship with the right people.

Next time I'll say more about the third level of communication where we move into HOW by more closely scrutinizing words and phrases. This is when language -- finally -- begins to matter. What traditional sales training usually tends to focus on as "the real deal", The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success merely lists as number three and of least importance.