Do you ever find that some people are hard to connect with? Sure you do. Everybody does!

Most of us are sensitive in this respect. If there's someone we don't get along with, even though we might not admit to it, we spend a lot of our strength on trying to figure out why.

If your relationship with another person is "in minus", it doesn't really matter what you say - any statement will be perceived negatively by default. Why? Because communication is a function of feelings. That's what I mean by the word 'connection'. Thus, the number one thing to do, regardless of what the circumstances might be, is to approach the challenge from the angle of feelings, and not with words. It's how people feel about each other that carries all communicates between them. In other words, what we say is colored and influenced through an "emotional filter".

When it comes to customers, clients and partners, even though we might think it's purely business, there's really no such thing. Even the most "rational" people are feelings only. They might try to separate emotions and logical reason, but in the end of the day, a relationship remains sensitive by how we feel about the other. That's why, from a practical perspective, at any given time we need to give the highest priority to actions that touch people on a personal emotional level e.g.:

• expressing confidence and faith in others
• being kind and polite in small and simple every-day matters
• showing empathy and care
• complimenting others whenever there's an opportunity to do so
• being ourselves (not something we're not) and relaxed
• sincerely apologizing when we falter
• never speaking ill of others
• refraining from irony
• being quick to laughter and slow to criticism

The list could be much longer. What we should remember, is; it's not the behavior listed per se, but rather the indirect result that makes the biggest difference - improved communication through an emotional and personal connection. A real connection!

I've been in business and sales long enough to understand that individual contracts, in the long run, are worthless. What matters is our connection to others. That's what remains - a personal relationship is the long term result of any sale made.

When, during sales training, I tell people that relationships are on a personal level only, sometimes I get these faces that apparently have an aha experience. That's interesting, I think. Does anyone ever think that a relationship is built with an entire customer account? Do we build relationships company to company? Of course we don't. Relationships are one-on-one only. Hence, one-on-one is the single most important way to do your sales. It's beautiful. We concentrate our entire energy and focus on one person only. Do you know what an amazing compliment that is?! In fact, it's that one thing we as people really need; one person's undivided attention.

One of the most depressing statistics "out there" today is the constantly reduced one-on-one time in the family. Father and son, father and daughter, mother and daughter, mother and son. This regular time together is desperately needed. In every respect, every role we fill, it is absolutely key that we remember the value of one-on-one time. It's even superfluous to call it quality time, because (almost) by default one-on-one is the "best time". I often visit my children when they go to bed. At that time I hardly need to say a word. They'll do most of the talking. (Probably because they don't want to sleep, yet... ;-) There's so much to tell. I wouldn't give that time to anyone else. It's theirs, and because it theirs, it's mine. It's ours to keep for always.

From me to you: It's great to spend our time with friends and friends many, but in the end, friendship is just you and me. It's that special trust that can only be built one person at a time. Go one-on-one!

Did you ever stop to think about how complex a human dialog is? Let me share an experience I had a long time ago:

Back in the days when I got certified as a trainer based on the sales models from Huthwaite, I remember doing my first sales calls with that perspective in mind. One of the things that really struck me is how extremely fast paced a conversation is. All the things that take place during a simple dialog is truly amazing. It was at a much later stage, as I together with a few other professionals became more aware of the subconscious world, that I was completely blown away. In light of just pure conversation, I'm in awe when it comes to the information flow that takes place in the form of vibes and unspoken words - and that in addition to the conversation itself.

Well, during my Huthwaite sales coaching, I was happy to see that sales calls were recorded, allowing us to further scrutinize each word that was spoken. It would sometimes take several rounds of listening before I was able to pick up the real meaning behind what was being said. It was as if several layers of dialog came out in the open - bit by bit.

So one-on-one is the way to go. I love speaking in front of a big crowd of people. However, a good tip to anyone who wants to practice effective influence must be to "maintain the principle of one-on-one". One head (read: brain) alone is complex. If we make it two, which we normally refer to as a one-on-one conversation, then complexity sky rockets. Imagine what happens when you add a third person. Take my advice: If you can keep it one-on-one, do what you can to keep it that way!