Life will bring you dark moments. It hurts to go through them, but when you're proactive bright times will dominate your life and can in fact jumpstart your path to success. To a person in sales, with a lot of regular setbacks, this is an important lesson to be learned and can become a lifestyle that will make all the difference.

Yesterday was an awful day for me. Just terrible! In addition, I lost a major contract I expected to close. Everything I had scheduled was headed toward success.

However, not only did I fail miserably, but people and circumstances gave me clear feedback about mistakes I had made. If you're like me; I can live with failure because it's what success is all about, but making mistakes is ten times worse. It's personal and hurts more than failure.

	So I was feeling low! When I came home I worked hard to get deeply involved in the life of my family members, replacing my concern for self with that of others. I decided I wouldn't even try to "get over it" until I'd had a good night's rest. Why? Because I know how it works. Here's how:

Did you ever find that when you look back on life, memories are mostly the happy ones. For some reason, most people tend to forget the dark moments, but savour the bright one's. In sum, all the happy moments appear to the mind as long and enduring bright times. (That's why we sometimes are inclined to think: "I used to be so happy, but now everything's so hard...")

So what can we learn from our ability to filter out the dark moments? How can this help us improve our lives on a daily basis?

Maintain Energy and Momentum

When you're experiencing a dark moment, accept it. Don't fight it. Strong and bad emotions are necessary opposites in a happy life. Let it pass by not making any serious or rash decisions. Close your mouth if you're tempted to take it out on the people around you. Listen more. Get involved in the lives of others and most importantly, retire early and let the body and mind rest it out.

Remember, late night moments are literally in the dark. If you retire early they will not last long. (During the night, your mind will be searching for answers and often find them, sometimes without you knowing it. Let the mind do the work for you.) In stead of extending the day - and the pain - by burning the midnight oil, rather choose to arise early and spend as much of your waking hours in the (day)light. It's a lifestyle that maintains your energy level and increases your momentum. The people around you will be surprised by your ability to get back up so soon after having taken such a serious beating, believe me!

Inevitably, dark moments will occur, however brief they might be, but bright times and feelings of happiness can and will dominate your life, now, not only in the past, if you want it to.

p.s. I'm well aware of chronic illnesses and serious depression, for which there certainly is no quick fix. What we're talking about here, though, is the tendency of any "healthy" person to sink into depression over matters that will evaporate if only you apply the principles outlined above.

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What determines the rise and fall of man? Passion does. Passion is not just a tool in selling or influence. It's you! In fact, Passion is life itself. Passion is about what you open your heart to, and whatever you choose to let in will determine nothing less than the direction and outcome of your entire life.

								Maybe the most powerful feelings we ever experience is the sensation of Passion? For instance, do you remember your first and deep love? It may serve as an example of what Passion can feel like. Passion is when you become completely consumed by a desire so strong that everything

else matters less, or even close to nothing. This Passion, however, is still something you can choose. Passion - one of your greatest assets in life - doesn't need to be accidental, and it shouldn't be. We should carefully consider why and for what we open our Passionate powers. Why? Because it may (and I believe it indeed will) determine the direction and outcome of our entire life.

Let's consider two basic principles of Passion from which we may extract a few simple rules, and which when applied will produce the success every trainer, manager or even parent wants to achieve:

(1) Passion Precedes Results

In a professional setting the majority of the work force is not passionate at all. If they were, you'd see dramatic improvement both in performance and learning, instantly!

								Before we do training, therefore, we assess the level of Passion in each individual team member by the use of a tool called "Passion Assessment". (We also make use of similar tools for "Connection Assessment" and "Intuition Assessment"). Immediately after training "Passion Assessment" may give an indication of the quality of the event

itself. However, the long term results are of far greater concern. We have found that if team members' Passion from training remains for more than 21 days results naturally follow.

To make such a reality, team members need a burning WHY and WHAT to remain passionate. This makes all the difference!

RULE # 1: .Effective training includes at least 20% WHY and WHAT

(2) Passion Triggers Feelings

...and feelings are good. We want employees to be emotional about their work. The best employees are those who know how they feel and are able to both communicate and stay in control of their feelings in a balanced manner.

								The minute we start tapping into Passion an interesting thing frequently happens: Conflict comes out of the closet. Understand this: Conflict hampers Passion, big time! The exchange of honest opinions often is an early sign of Passion and therefore usually is a positive indicator of future success. Of course, to really kindle Passion those conflicts need to be talked through and resolved.

RULE # 2: Start building trust by getting feelings out in the open first

So to summarize...

If you want to be successful - if you want to influence others - you have to be passionate about WHY you do WHAT you do. You have to exercise influence in such a way that others become passionate too, i.e. self-sufficient and without your constant help in the long run.

Passion is what will determine your rise or fall. It will be how you rise. It will be how you fall. The same goes for all the people around you. Passion is the beginning of success.

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Just because résumés and track records are being used to filter out and find the best sales people doesn't mean they're worth something. In fact, past success only means you did well in the past. It doesn't guarantee you'll be successful in the future.

Your past success can make future success pretty hard in more than one way...

"Sales is just like a piano"

For instance, successful sales people tend to be promoted. Most of them stay sharp, but some stop exercising that sales muscle, become arrogant and self centered and lose the edge they used to have on life. Oh, I know. Success can repeat itself, and it often does if there's talent. But let's face it. The success you had in the past doesn't prove a thing, does it? What matters in sales? Strictly speaking, nothing matters but the sales you will make in the future. Your current value is the sum of your future contracts. That's what you get paid for. And if you're a sales manager hiring sales people, don't you forget it! Sales is just like a piano. Once a key has been struck the music is gone - it's history - nothing but a memory. The only value of a piano key is the music it's producing, in harmony with every other key --at this time-- and for as long as he or she will be.

The real deal

Why are you in sales? Is it for the money?

Sure, I earn my living that way, and it's good. But you know what. The reason I love selling is because it puts me right where I want to be; in the hottest furnace of constant communication training. If there's one area I'd like to master then it's the ability to reach someone else with a message. And by "reach" I mean totally embrace, both ways, i.e. I embrace you and you embrace me.

If you're asking me, I believe this is the toughest most noble of all tasks in any person's life: To constantly increase the talent of bringing someone over - not to "my way of thinking" - but to a higher shared level.

To me, that's what selling is about, and also how past success (i.e. your track record) can destroy what you have. When you think you're good, you're at risc, because pride may get in your way and stop you from delivering results now and in the future.

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Let's consider an every-day example of how energy makes all the difference while for instance raising a child or taking care of your family. Lillian and I have five children. As a family we've frequently discussed in family counsel how we'd like our mornings to be. But even though everyone puts forth an effort, with five kids ages four to twelve, there's bound to be some challenges - every single morning. How does energy apply in such a situation? And what does this have to do with sales or influence?

If I'm frustrated, irritated, impatient, tired, late or even just gradually growing angry, any one of these emotions will automatically transmit to the people around us - immediately. I may try to hide it, but really it's impossible to keep that energy inside. It all leaks out through the cracks. And we know it all too well, don't we?!

		But, you see, the trouble isn't really knowing and understanding. Remember, what's common sense isn't necessarily common practice out there... In fact, it's mostly exactly the opposite; what we know we should be doing, we often don't do. That's how it requires constant and conscious effort to stay focused on positive energy. Now, let's look at why it makes such a difference to do so.

I should be the first to admit, I don't always succeed. Reflect for a moment on what might be the elements of a typical morning for any of us...

(1) Getting up

PATH TO NEGATIVE ENERGY: When the alarm goes off, our partner gets up, but we ourselves might be tempted to just slumber a tiny bit longer. Already at this point negative feelings may start building up inside. Children jump into our bed, someone turns on the bright light or opens the curtains, we get reminders of how much there's to do today, and even when we do get up, both the toilet and shower are occupied.

PATH TO POSITIVE ENERGY: The night before we've retired early. Together with our partner we wake up before everyone else, well rested. We make our bed together and turn on pleasent music in the living room. The volume is so low you can hardly hear the music. Family members wake up with a hug and kind words. Whenever anyone does anything to trigger bad feelings we remind ourselves: "I love this person!" and we ask "I wonder how he or she feels right now / how can I be of help?"

(2) Getting breakfast

PATH TO NEGATIVE ENERGY: Everyone's hungry and looks out for their own breakfast. When someone enters the kitchen another leaves. It's usually best to be among the first to eat, because sometimes we run out of milk or even bread. The kitchen is messy from yesterday when we didn't take the time to clean it up. Sometimes there's unkind words spoken as the rush and disorganized meal causes frustration or even accidents. The youngest kids are at times alone in the kitchen, when everyone else is going back and forth trying to get ready... not smart!

PATH TO POSITIVE ENERGY: The night before the table has been set by one of the kids. Breakfast starts at seven sharp. If someone's late, nobody calls out loud for the missing person. Rather, it's an opportunity to give that someone another a hug and a compliment. Breakfast is kind of slow. Some of us are just quiet. There's time to think, to wake up and time to speak and ask questions as we check up on some of the most important upcoming events of the day. When fruit and vitamins have been swallowed we're ready for another day.

(3) Getting out the door

PATH TO NEGATIVE ENERGY: While everyone is more or less desparately scrambling together their stuff, you regularly discover that a shoe or a glove is missing. Someone's yelling for more toilet paper while others are brushing their teeth, too fast and in a hurry. Parents repeat the threatening warning everyone knows so well: "You're gonna be late for school - again!"

PATH TO POSITIVE ENERGY: "Good luck with the test today" becomes everybody's que to getting ready. The table is cleared by all in less than a minute. Someone's telling a joke as hugs and kisses are passed and the youngest kids stand waving at the door. It's tradition!

Your feelings about the others

The difference lies in how you feel about the people around you. The above mentioned path to positive energy is of course never that perfect! It rarely is. However, there are proactive elements in it that makes it much easier to keep a sincere and heartfelt smile on your face - throughout the remainder of the day.

Getting up, getting breakfast and getting out the door are all activities that repeat themselves every day. Even if you're single and alone, there's always a number of "good reasons" to quickly start tapping into negative energy right from the very start. If you do, however, you'll only generate more negativity. Why not think it through, discuss the details and decide what you want, together?

People who take control of how the day starts tend to sincerely and honestly think more positively and highly of the people around them. As a result they also find themselves surrounded by people that want to and indeed do return those positive feelings.

If energy is to work for you and not against you here's what you may want to consider: Retire early in the evening and start the next day with a conscious effort to stay tuned in on the positive, especially every time you're tempted not to.

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What's common sense is often not common at all. Here's one case to prove it when it comes to effective communication.

Three dialogs are always running at the same time, and they're there regardless of whether you want them to or not. When two or more people interact the following applies, and you better be aware of it:

	Operational dialog The context in which we interact ("position") Opinional dialog The feelings behind words and how they are perceived ("relation") Optimal dialog How we communicate ("perfection")

If you're mindful of all three, you'll experience high levels of mutual understanding, and the likelihood of influencing others increases.

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Over the years clients sometimes have built dysfunctional procurement routines to protect themselves from dysfunctional sales people and sales systems. In fact, "sometimes" is a euphemism. In my experience, almost every organization has to varying degrees a dysfunctional procurement culture. These flaws arise mostly from sales people who do not honestly protect client interests in the pursuit of short term business. What can you do today to reverse this trend?

There are loads of books written touching this subject. In Let's Get Real or Let's Not Play, Mahan Kalsa and Randy Illig beautifully elaborate on the matter. Maybe, in my opinion, they do so better than anyone else up to this point. For this reason, quite frankly, this book is simply a must read!

						You can do many things to combat dysfunctional selling. When you do so, you'll promote the development of healthy and open procurement models. One basic habit inevitably reinforces ways to how you better can protect client interests. It is this: Seek out senior sales people and executives and ask them what they would have done differently had they started their careers today. The advice you'll get, you'll see, almost always will point you in the direction of how to --better protect client interests--. My favourite question has always been this: "What would you have done differently..." It's kind of like a life jacket. Learn from the mistakes of others. Maybe it won't keep you from falling into the water, but it certainly will help you stay afloat. It makes sense. Try it. Today!

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Imagine you have the perfect position, the highest trust and the most optimal behavior with a potential customer. Is there anything that could make you lose the deal? No, there isn't. These three covers it all. You see, when you know what 1) position, 2) trust and 3) behavior is about, then you know what needs to be done, with who you need to work and how you should do it. You're aware of any weakness and you either win the deal - every time - or quit trying early in the process.

								I'm serious. Whenever we lose a deal it's because we're perceived as being weak in one or more of these three areas: Position, trust and/or behavior. When we win, it's because in sum we have the strongest position, the highest trust and the best behavior. So if we want the contract, these three become the key to winning the deal. What are they about? Well, that's a huge question. But here's an extreme summary and a short sentence to introduce what they can be:

How do we leverage position, trust and behavior?

The strange thing is, each one of these - position, trust, behavior - is indirect. We can't tell someone we have a strong position. They need to sense and feel it by everything else that communicates this. The same goes for trust and behavior. Trust is indirect. We can't really effectively just tell someone they should trust us. Trust is the indirect result of consistent loyalty and good results. Likewise, behavior is also one third of the subliminal message we communicate. We cannot really behave what we don't truly perceive and mean. We only behave what we already believe and are inside. Our behavior only makes transparent what's already there.

Thus, the message is the result of what indirectly precedes position, trust and behavior. In other words, what you do to position yourself (PASSION), build trust (CONNECTION) and skillfully behave (INTUITION) well. You position yourself primarily by asking the WHAT questions. You build trust primarily by asking the WHO questions, and you skillfully raise behavior primarily by asking the HOW questions. You can read about each of them by clicking the links.

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So what's this energy thing in communication? Well, it's everything. How can you communicate and not relate what you're doing to energy? Communication is energy. But there's more to energy in communication than you might think. Let's take a quick look at energy again, and maybe we'll catch a glimpse of it.

There are different energy levels in communication. You may have felt it. It's real. It matters. It's something every successful individual intuitively knows and effectively applies. Most of all, it's quantifiable, specific and something you can repeat - over and over again - that is, if you know how to.

Since the term "energy" may sound a bit blurry or hard to "practice in real life", why don't we bring some structure to it. Just for argument's sake, let's say there are three levels. The first level would be ME, myself. It's when I begin to resonate with a particular kind of message. The second level is US, you and me. It's when we begin to resonate with each other. The third level is IT, something out there. This would be when we begin to resonate with the environment, the higher and invisible forces we're surrounded by.

(The third level doesn't need to be any more mystical than e.g. two individuals having a long distance conversation by the use of a cell phone. Are you able to explain the force or channel through which they're interacting? Unless you've studied it in school, you're probably not. But there's no immediate need to understand or explain how a cell phone works, only the fact that it does).

That third level

Most people can easily relate to the first two energy levels (i.e. ME and US). But to some, the third energy level (i.e. IT) sounds too mystical. That's OK, if you feel it that way. Just remember though, whatever the message you behave will be understood differently on each level (yes, "behave" is the appropriate word for it). You see, each level gives more information, because behavior takes on different and more meaning the higher up you communicate. When all the others around you are perceiving the world on "the third level", you'll be missing out on quite a bit if you're still only communicating on "the second level". Why don't you just go in faith for once and test yourself. You may discover there's more to communication than you originally thought. Quite frankly, what have you got to lose?

Even though level one (ME) and level two (US) are understood, most people seldom experience them for real in a professional setting. How sad this is! What's more, because there's no resonating ME, WE don't resonate either (i.e. US). Why? Because there's a natural principle based sequence to this. We can't resonate unless there's first individual resonance. And that's also why so few people understand the third level, which in turn is dependent on both ME and US. You get it?

Let's illustrate with an example to make sure I didn't lose you: Now that there's such a stir around Michael Jackson's passing away, why don't we consider him for a moment?

								First, do you think Michael Jackson ever went on stage without reaching some kind of "resonating ME"? Do you think his best concerts were without a burning desire to share his best self? Of course not. Did he like the songs he was singing? Indeed, we may suppose he did. Second, do you think his resonating with the crowds was significant to their musical experience or his performance on stage? I'd say, probably... Third, do you think his wildest fans might refer to something bigger than just music and dance while experiencing him first hand during a concert? Does their ecstatic behavior make sense to us? Maybe not. Does it make sense to them? In some inexplicable way, most likely. If in doubt, take a look at Michael Jackson for yourself.

It begins with the individual, spreads to those around and then becomes something intangible, but real. At this point, I'll quickly point out that effective communication seldom is a "performance", but rather a shared experience. It can be quietly done without any extravagance or even technique. The absolute minimum that it takes is sincerity (outbound energy) and sensitivity (inbound energy).

Practical and doable

To help understand each level, a long time ago, I put together three scenarios visualising what essentially takes place every time there's a shift in energy. The three scenarios explain each level more precisely. If you haven't heard them explained during a training session or read them I suggest you do so now, before reading the conclusion of this article.

What's the big deal? Well, my message and claim is simple: YOU CAN, it you want to, communicate in a much more exciting way than you're currently doing. It's possible to trigger enormous amounts of energy on three levels. First of all inside yourself. Secondly, in others. And third, and most of all, in unison by the use of power in your environment. And to what purpose? To get a much deeper commitment in yourself and others. If you're in selling, knowing about this is simply a must.

So how do we apply it? Here's how to put it into action. Always stay focused on three areas (one for each level respectively):

Position + Trust + Behavior = Message

Each of these is very concrete and measurable. We dive deeply into each of these areas in my book The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success, but if you'd like some other examples (and they're merely examples) of books written on each topic, you may consider the one's listed below. Note! These authors don't necessarily explain how to unleash the energies, but they tap into the do's and don'ts:

• Level 1: Position - Strategic Selling, Miller Heiman
• Level 2: Trust - The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R. Covey
• Level 3: Behavior - SPIN® Selling, Neil Rackham

Conclusion

To trigger energy - the stuff that adds real power - and makes communication become really powerful, you'll have to work on answering the WHAT (position), WHO (trust) and HOW (behavior) questions. This is the secret to energy in your communication. There's no shortcut, but hard work. However, once the energy's there, it sure feels like a shortcut.

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One-on-one is the best way to do your selling. Nothing beats one-on-one! However, to be successful it's crucial to understand the depth and complexity of one-on-one interaction. Every sales cycle will include three levels of one-on-one dialog.

In reaching any kind of result we move through three levels or stages. The mental picture was originally introduced by Dr. Sephen Covey where he highlights natural law.

Sometimes we tend to think that social systems differ from natural systems, but really they don't. Just like growing a tree, moving from root structure to eventual fruit and harvest every human interaction has the same characteristics. Just like nature will not let you cheat, so it is with social systems. If you try to force the process, you'll fail.

Each level demands attention, and one-on-one is the basic most powerful and effective way to go about it: a) One-on-one to strategically position yourself, b) one-on-one to build a network of valuable relationships and c) one-on-one to skillfully apply tactics in reaching agreements.

We will continue dealing with this subject in the next post coming up.

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Last month I did a quick webcast on This is Selling. If you look closely you'll find that a complete summary on selling is grouped into three areas. If you focus on all three, you'll discover that your skills begin to work as they should.

Regardless of what topic or expertise within sales you are looking into, it will always be one of the following three: Context (WHAT) Feelings (WHO) Technique (HOW) Whatever you say and do it will be perceived by others in three perspectives: (1) The context in which you say it, (2) the feelings behind what is being said and heard, and (3) the way you say it (i.e. technique or method). Consequently, to influence others, these three perspectives will decide your degree of success. All three of them!

Focusing only on technique is less effective

Context, feelings and technique are basic principles of communication. Context is WHAT you do to create the best possible setting and position. Feelings is WHO you talk with and the emotions you are filled with. Technique is HOW you say it and when.

These three areas are numbered because context outweighs feelings, and feelings in turn are more dominant than technique. Without context and feelings in place technique suffers. People often want to challenge the order of this, but without exception they fail.

Sales technique is not even secondary

Let's be very clear, especially because it really is this simple: Technique helps, but fails when feelings stand in the way. Also, feelings are powerful, but ultimately must give way to context and the bigger picture. If you want to influence others, even influence influential people, first work on context - your position, secondly work with feelings - your relationship with others, and thirdly practice technique - say it right and at the right time.

Remember this, unfortunately most sales training is aimed at technique only. Yes, technique indeed is poor out there, and technique is also mostly weak on a stand-alone basis. The deciding factor that gives technique real power is when context and feelings are taken care of first.

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