I'm a big fan of Robert Cialdini. The work and research he has provided over the years on the subject of influence is simply powerful. If you haven't read his book(s) and articles, I encourage you to do so.

In particular I appreciate his healthy approach and how he points out the vast number of manipulative techniques that are more or less consciously applied "out there". It was Dale Carnegie, who in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" said: "A person persuaded against his will is of the same opinion still." If you combine this basic principle with the body of knowledge we have today on manipulation, it's obvious that complex and large account sales especially needs to be CLEAN. Manipulation always backfires!

What's interesting is this; most account and sales managers today know that manipulation only hurts us in the long run. However, if our deepest belief patterns and habits render us inclined to exercise control or dominion over others, it will - in business also - surface in what we do and how we say things.

The scary thing is, to a certain extent, we're all at times tempted to use force or some kind of coercion to obtain our goals and objectives. You're saying: Really??! How? Let me give you just a few examples, and then maybe you're able to spot misbehavior in these or similar examples you yourself are able to produce - from your most personal life and circumstances:

• What's my behavior like when driving a car and being late for an important meeting?
• When my children won't listen, how do I respond to their rebellious behavior?
• How do I behave and how do I phrase my sentences when in a middle of an argument with my spouse?
• How do I treat my subordinates or those I lead? How do I phrase my "orders"?
• What feedback would my colleagues give me if they read this blog post?
• How do I react when someone expresses frustration about someone I too have a strong dislike towards?
• How do I handle someone that pushes me for honesty about something I'd rather keep to myself?

Once we begin to see our own misbehavior and how we're suffering from manipulation in almost every respect of our lives, it naturally becomes of interest to find out what manipulation really is. Also, how can I become a master of clean influence? That, I will share more about in my next post ;-)

Check out my previous post where I've included an illustration of what an emotional commitment is about and how it is reached. Today I want to point out what I believe should be the ultimate objective in EVERY sales call.

Our main goal is not to trigger an interest only, neither to only tie the customer's needs to the product or service - our goal is not even to connect with subjective needs. We can do more and we should do more than that. We need to reach the point of emotion that exceeds the mere fulfillment of a personal need, but also a personal emotional desire. We need to reach the feelings of others - to touch values - the emotional level. This is what triggers energy. Let me illustrate with an experience - this time not directly sales related, but which explains what I mean:

Some time ago management was discussing opening a new office in another continent - other side of the globe - far away. I challenged one of my colleagues to be responsible for opening this office and region. It involved a major change and a lot of work - no easy commitment. As we discussed some of the details of how we should proceed passion became the essence of the discussion. Once I felt we were on the same wavelength I took the conversation to the next level by seeking to establish a connection between personal objectives and the job at hand. Not really hard to do (you know the drill). When everything was pretty much in place, I began digging for emotions: "How do you feel about leaving your colleagues and be on your own like this..?" (A potential concern I sensed was there.) The dialog dramatically changed. The questions themselves were not magical, but the previous build up of the conversation made them powerful. We now began sharing personal stuff - heart aches, feelings, frustrations and over time new ideas. A few tears were shed on both sides and our commitment to actually do this and succeed tripled, and then some.

This is emotional commitment. In short: Every effort made in sales should aim to move closer to an emotional commitment. Mostly it takes time, but it's the most powerful kind of dialog. It doesn't need to involve crying, but everyone knows when feelings and the emotional level is reached. THIS is when we release maximum energy in both parties - you and me.

The ability to shed a tear in behalf of someone else is growing rare these days, but probably among the key characteristics of true greatness. The degree to which we maintain or increase our sensitivity is a deciding factor to real influence.

Every so often all of us encounter people who appear arrogant and somehow insensitive. Without exception we also find they have limited positive energy. Positive energy can only grow if we grow in our ability to feel for others. Please consider the illustration below. Influence comes with energy, but energy is irrevocably linked to the degree of sensitivity. If we're unable to sense the feelings of others, we'll never reach higher than the first level of energy. Unfortunately we find a lot of professionals able to excite others, but it very seldom goes beyond that point. Why? Because they are consumed with self.

If we want to reach other people we need to exert strength and attention beyond our own world of concern. In other words, we need to put ourselves in the shoes of others. The popular term for it is empathy, but empathy is limited by the word itself. In the diagram we can see how empathy ("others") is but half way. If we want to reach energation and really strong commitment in others we need to move beyond empathy and become one with the shared reality around us - "external perception". This is when we tune in to outside impressions that allows us to become emotionally involved and mutually affected.

What do we do if the other person has feelings and has gone through hardships beyond what we ourselves have experienced? Is it possible to understand and empathize, when this is the case? The answer is "YES". If we do what is required to reach higher energy levels, we'll also be able to understand pain we didn't suffer ourselves. It's true! and it makes life richer to live. However, most of us are unwilling to do so because it causes us to share the distress of others. It hurts.

So what does this have to do with selling? Everything! Most sales people make their sales on the first level (see diagram). They'll get commitments and sign contracts based on passionate behavior, but the sale doesn't mean anything to them more than getting their paycheck and bonus. Just take one minute - think through all the contracts you signed with clients. Which ones do you remember? Which of them leaves you with positive feelings? If there are any, it will be those where you engaged yourself on the personal side and received reciprocally - the same feelings were exchanged. You built a relationship. You reached stronger commitments and harnessed greater value.

When we consider the balance between energy and sensitivity a lot of questions are answered and the sale becomes easier and more enjoyable. We practice SBP = SPP ;-)

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I just did another training session with a bunch of great sales people in Voss yesterday. One focus during this session was customer commitment, often referred to as 'the advance'. Complex sales typically have longer sales cycles, and what mostly suffers is how the client is not challenged to help advance the sale from visit to visit. If only the sales person is committed, then no real progression is made and a lot of time is wasted. Eventually the case is lost.

Here's a summary on how we help someone commit - be it a client, a colleague, friend or family member:

1. Never EVER enter a call without deciding beforehand what you want the person to do (both a maximum and an alternative minimum commitment).
   • Make sure the challenge is something that requires specific action.
   • Adjust your planned commitment if the conversation indicates you should.
2. Always focus the initial effort on nurturing a Born Buying Desire (BBD) through passion.
   • Are you convinced yourself?
   • Is your message important to the other person? Why? How do you know?
3. When positive vibes have become the main carrier of information exchange seek to establish Subjective Linkage (SL) through connection
   • Can you get the other person one-on-one, then do so!
4. Involve the other person in problem solving through the optimal dialog. Go for the Emotional Commitment (EC) when feelings are mutual.
   • Help the other person commit to a deadline.
5. Do not leave until you have received a firm commitment. If he or she will not commit, find out why?

The model in one of my previous blog posts illustrates how these steps are linked to our level of energy and sensitivity.

In short, here's a summary: Decide on a commitment, trigger a desire, connect and find out the agenda, make it emotional and end with a challenge. When we do it this way, we're affected positively ourselves also and both parties are happy. It becomes an uplifting experience that inspires action.

You want to convince someone and get a commitment? Here's where it starts:

Now that I've covered 2 out of 3 results (or fruits) coming from energation, I have people asking me about the third one, too. In fact, since we began with the end in mind, here's the first one - the Born Buying Desire (BBD). See also the visual illustration found in the previous blog post.

BBD is just what it says, "the born buying desire that results from passion (not just faked artificial enthusiasm) and all that it includes". Since examples are always so much easier to appreciate than a bunch of abstract explanations, here's another personal story - this time about one of the times I seriously failed:

I was once delegated an important speaking assignment representing the President of a huge organization. At the time I was very busy. Life was hectic, the schedule packed with pressing issues, several inexperienced individuals demanded my personal and emotional attention and before I knew it I was being introduced as the main speaker and on my way up to the stand. On a normal day I would have taken a few notes and spent some time thinking about what I was about to say. However, my trust rested with the notes I had received the preceding day. I had heard the speech before. My task was simple - I thought - I just needed to copy the success of the author, the President himself. After all, the power is in the message, I thought, as I made my final steps to face the waiting crowd.

Boy, was I mistaken! The average listener probably got the idea, it came out all right, but it was such a disappointing experience for me. There was no passion or energy. I wasn't behind what was being said. The words were from someone else. Though interesting and important they didn't carry the same power or effect in that big room. Loud speakers didn't help a thing. Actually, the sound system only reinforced my failure to spark that vibrant resonance - those vibes we all know so well.

Only two of those present had heard the same speech by the president himself, and I knew they were disappointed. They knew the difference. I knew the difference. There and then, I decided to never let down my audience again by speaking without passion.

Passion is not equal to enthusiasm. Not at all. When we have passion it's possible to speak quite "normally" without having to make big gestures, speak too loud or appear "psyched up". With passion we can even whisper and the vibes are still there! Before any public speaking assignment I'm always deep into the Operational dialog with myself. People may not see it, but it almost automatically happens. I do so because THAT's what inspires and frees that needed form of energy. If I take notes, it only serves to help me strengthen the passion that's already there, but notes remain secondary. Without passion, notes are worthless.

Every successful communicator knows about the Operational dialog - the conversation (either internally with self or others) that gives birth to the buying desire - the first of three steps to foster real commitment in others. It needs to be applied in every setting where we aim for a commitment of some kind. The Operational dialog is the commitment of self that precedes the commitment of others.

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The highest level and strongest way in which we tie someone to a promise is Emotional Commitment (EC), the result of energation. Most of the time, people instantly think they understand and therefore perceive this as being "fairly straightforward", and I wish it would be! However, to get this kind of dedicated promise from someone we need to understand energation - the means by which we reach this level of dedication in others.

Emotional Commitment (EC) doesn't just happen by chance - it needs energation as its "engine" to drive it forward. Energation itself hinges on two basic capacities:

1. Sensitivity
2. Energy

To be specific, this means:

1. how sensitive we are a) to self, b) to others and c) to external impressions
2. the energy driving a) our behaviour, b) our relationships and c) revealed problem solving

When sensitivity and energy are balanced we move communication in the direction of energation, or rather, we "energate". This means we move the dialog, balancing energy and sensitivity, in a growing degree of mutual dedication through three levels:

The first level of (customer) dedication is the Born Buying Desire (BBD). The second level of (customer) dedication is the Subjective Linkage (SL). The third level of (customer) dedication is the Emotional Commitment (EC).

Today I'd like to share a quick story to illustrate how BBD and SL precede Emotional Commitment (EC), which is the third and crowning fruit of energation:

I was once involved in providing a major ERP solution to an industrial corporation. They had accepted my invitation to come visit and present what we had to offer (a BBD had been triggered). As the meeting progressed we began to discuss and share how several of the key people in the project were heavily affected by weaknesses in the current information systems. They spent way too much time at the office and were unable to put work behind them when they came home. Their family life was suffering and many other personal matters were also put out in the open (SL was beginning to take effect). At this point we moved into a discussion of how the new solutions should be applied to solve these problems. A stack of suggestions triggered new thinking and ideas from the client that even I had never thought about or seen as possible. These discoveries on the client side caused ownership to grow minute by minute. At the end I was asked to fulfill a number of commitments and any action I needed from them was eagerly accepted. It had become their project and in their interest more than mine (EC).

The Emotional Commitment is where follow up is turned around. Before we get to follow up the customer by the specified deadlines, the customer calls us to make sure we're doing what we're supposed to, making sure we stay on a steady course to contract and delivery. This is what we want! It's commitment on an emotional level.

Finally, a warning. Whenever energy and sensitivity is not balanced, i.e. when either energy or sensitivity is too high or too low, negative energy immediately surfaces. The outward expression or evidence of this is some kind of rejection - what I call "malfunctioning dialog". For a visual illustration of this absolutely critical balance see the diagram below, taken from "The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success".

I'm hardly able to express how great it feels to "have mother nature on our side" when selling (see blog post 21st of Dec). It's possible, just like a sailboat, to maneuver by such means that the wind is always blowing our way. Want to know how?

As I've been in sales for a long time, I believe I've gone through most of the pains with regards to rejection. I've been selling on the door, on the street, on the phone, at stands, in meetings and in public seminars and keynote sessions for almost 20 years now. Whichever way you view it, of course rejection hurts!   It just so happens I've been in the lucky position to choose to be in sales. I could've gone in a completely different direction, but I've chosen sales assignments simply because I feel a strong desire to master "the people game" and most of all because I have a higher purpose with what I do. Can you think of anything more complex and challenging than to communicate effectively with people who have every reason not to listen? (Maybe you can, but I particularly enjoy this challenge.)

When we talk about rejection, most advisers in sales will talk about perseverance, patience, hard work, resolving concerns, self esteem and/or goal setting. Sometimes they'll point out that it's not personal and rejection should be received in the same impersonal way. That's probably all good, but again, even though these are important - in sum - what matters is energy. Let me explain:

Every form of rejection is by nature negative energy. Negative energy simply doesn't feel good. It gives us a sense of discomfort and tries to penetrate and produce emotions of pain or being unwanted. What we need to understand is; there's always something in combination with perception that triggers that negative energy. The tricky thing is - most of us don't have the eyes to see what or how, and when we don't our natural response is to block out this undesired response. Ironically, this only increases negative energy AND keeps us from discovering what caused it, or rather, what the source behind it was.

Together with my peers and research associates I've discovered there's a better way.   There are several reasons for rejection - and I don't claim to know them all - but here's the biggest one we've found so far: When someone decides they disagree with or dislike what we propose, negative energy is generated from either one, two or three energy channels - the Operational dialog, the Opinional dialog and/or the Optimal dialog. Each of these dialogs are at least 90% unspoken energy, i.e. words are but "30% of 300% communication". When each of these dialogs are done well AND in sync, our statistics indicate a success rate that equals 5 out of 6, i.e. 83%. For example, when doing so-called "cold calls" you will succeed pretty much "every time". Please allow me to say it again: That feels very good!

The fact that it feels good shows you it's personal. It's evidence that it is. Don't let anyone tell you business is not personal. If you're really in sales you know what rejection feels like. If you're really in sales the dislike for rejection is in your system. If you're really in sales you'll want to know how this is possible!

External conditions have little to do with sales success! Let's consider how.

The concept of "energy" may sound strange to those not used to the terminology, but it's really quite normal. Let me illustrate with a personal experience that might shed some light and insight on the subject.

Here in Skien we actually have the world's largest Nanbudo club. I think that's pretty amazing, considering it's a small and insignificant town in Norway. That said, a few years ago my kids wanted to join and as I came along watching them do their "Japanese rituals" every week, I soon found myself thinking I could need the exercise myself. Not long after I was in the dojo with a bunch of like minded beginners.

I have to admit. A whole new world has opened up to me (I'm still there - going for the black belt ;-). The focus on energy through breathing exercises, the gymnastics and art of moving combined with constant stretching and kata "dancing" completely gets me. I love this stuff! I'll never be the fighting type of guy, even though now I do actually know a thing or two about self defense.

					You're thinking: This is a blog on influence, sales and communication... What's he on about?! Well, now that I'm learning more about the Japanese culture let's apply an appropriate fighting principle from the Samurai bushido: When a Samurai faces an opponent he (or she) will always try to have the sun or moon behind them. In

this way they will not be distracted in any way and clearly see their opponent at any possible moment. Most importantly, the eyesight of the enemy may suffer and leave them distracted and vulnerable.

Elite sales people apply similar principles. They seem to bring every "force of nature" their way. How? OK, this is when I easily get carried away by talking about my book, but to be short and to the point: Over the past seven years we've mapped out three dialogs that each have the same effect. Especially the first dialog - the Operational - reveals how successful selling is about fighting with "mother nature on our side", regardless of what weather conditions we're faced with.

Do you ever find that some people are hard to connect with? Sure you do. Everybody does!

Most of us are sensitive in this respect. If there's someone we don't get along with, even though we might not admit to it, we spend a lot of our strength on trying to figure out why.

If your relationship with another person is "in minus", it doesn't really matter what you say - any statement will be perceived negatively by default. Why? Because communication is a function of feelings. That's what I mean by the word 'connection'. Thus, the number one thing to do, regardless of what the circumstances might be, is to approach the challenge from the angle of feelings, and not with words. It's how people feel about each other that carries all communicates between them. In other words, what we say is colored and influenced through an "emotional filter".

When it comes to customers, clients and partners, even though we might think it's purely business, there's really no such thing. Even the most "rational" people are feelings only. They might try to separate emotions and logical reason, but in the end of the day, a relationship remains sensitive by how we feel about the other. That's why, from a practical perspective, at any given time we need to give the highest priority to actions that touch people on a personal emotional level e.g.:

• expressing confidence and faith in others
• being kind and polite in small and simple every-day matters
• showing empathy and care
• complimenting others whenever there's an opportunity to do so
• being ourselves (not something we're not) and relaxed
• sincerely apologizing when we falter
• never speaking ill of others
• refraining from irony
• being quick to laughter and slow to criticism

The list could be much longer. What we should remember, is; it's not the behavior listed per se, but rather the indirect result that makes the biggest difference - improved communication through an emotional and personal connection. A real connection!

I've been in business and sales long enough to understand that individual contracts, in the long run, are worthless. What matters is our connection to others. That's what remains - a personal relationship is the long term result of any sale made.

The longer I'm in sales, the more I become convinced that "innovation" is its closest sibling (at least in bigger, complex sales). I'm guessing you probably have the same experience. I'd love to hear what you think about it!

Today I got involved in a discussion on LinkedIn that asked about - what was it again..? Let me find the link... here it is. The question was about how even the best products or services fail, i.e. a limited number of buyers will generate poor revenue. My input was basically that it's the business model that determines whether or not we succeed (referring to David Chesbrough's book "Open Innovation"). The business model powerfully affects company culture and EVERYTHING that has to do with Innovation. If you put a lid on innovation - in any shape or form - goodbye to sales success!

I've experienced this so many times. What connects us most as humans, is when we create something together. It doesn't have to be something tangible per se. The keyword is "create", which is something I call "the stuff between heads". So, the next time you're in a sales call with a client, a partner or even with someone you just need to convince about something... If you don't want to make things too complicated, maybe the best way to go about it is to simply abdicate the know-it-all-role and recognize; "maybe I don't have all the answers - in fact, maybe I hardly know anything?" The result... the other person(s) will rise to the occasion and start giving creative input, which otherwise would never have been the case, had you dictated the conversation and direction of the dialog. (Everybody knows this, I guess! BUT, to actually DO it is something quite different.)

Looking back on my childhood, my parents did a great job at this. Sometimes they would turn to us, and just ask a question - maybe to this effect: "How on earth are we going to do this..?" or "I've been thinking about this for such a long time. What do you think..?" And here's the thought I wanted to share: My mom and dad would be 100% sincere about it. They didn't feel they had an answer and thus truly believed that we could come up with something far better. And you know what? We did! They stretched us far beyond the capabilities and limits we thought we had. And then comes the real miracle and energy in this thing: As children we respect them so much more exactly because of this than we would had they simply told us what to do (...being "experts", which hardly generates the same kind of respect).

The ownership, commitment and enthusiasm that grows out of this is what selling is all about, I believe... It strengthens the SBP atmosphere. There's probably only one way; it needs to be sincere. What do you think? Would you agree? Maybe there's much more to it? In any case; in many ways my parents were the ones to teach me that the best answers are "between heads". They taught me innovation. They didn't say it - they lived it.