Networking is a lifestyle, nothing more, nothing less. Your life and style reveals your motivations (the WHY's and WHAT's) as well as WHO you are. To get insight about yourself, consider HOW you behave when you're around other people.
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One of three main differences between successful and unsuccessful people is the way in which they build relationships. If I were to describe the difference with as few words as possible; "Successful people always build relationships, unsuccessful people only build relationships when they see the need to."
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Relationships Are Like Flowers
The difference in attitude is scary. The difference in results even more so. To this day I am surprised at how some people just never make this basic discovery; the staggering and fatal consequences of stepping another person on his or her toes. A friend of mine said it so well: "A relationship is like a tender plant. We try to build relationships, but every so often we walk around in the bed of flowers hoping that the flowers will still somehow blossom." A relationship needs constant attention, and one mistake only will forever hurt and remain unless there is honest and sincere forgiveness.
My conclusion? Don't just network when you need work or more business. Make networking a lifestyle, and you'll soon find that even your attitude will improve as a result of your working to improve your behavior.
Did you ever think about the powerful symbol one single book can become? Or did you ever think about why, when afterall, you've read the book, you still cling to it, making sure to keep it in a safe place? Why are you keeping it? Is it because you're planning on reading it again?
On my shelf I have quite a few books. Or rather, I should say, on my shelves there are many books. Have you ever asked yourself why we keep a book after we've read it? I mean, are you going to read it again?
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I've given this some thought, lately. Why do I keep all those books? I believe part of the reason why I hang on to them is because I want to "forever" keepsake the experience each book represents (...and in some strange way, the same goes for any collectible item, doesn't it?). We want to remember. Not only remember what was written, but even more so each book represents a thought or train of thought, a number of ideas and discoveries, renewed and enriched perception, even the desire for improved quality and the sensation of a better life. At least, that's what those books are to me. And that's probably why I keep them..!? | ||||
Increasing the Value of a Book
I admit, most of those books I'll never read all the way through a second time. This morning I thought about that. Why? Because some of my books are definitely worth reading a second time. Kids do it all the time, you know..? Reading the same book over and over again to a little child has been proven to be extremely effective for language development, stimulating a mental capacity and faculty of fantacy, developing memory, as well as a long list of other vital benefits. Don't you think the same benefits apply to grown-ups? Yet, I seldom bring myself to read the same book a second time. It probably is because I constantly have about 3-4 new books waiting to be read.
Another important reason for my keeping books in a valued spot of my home office is always having at my fingertips what I would call "an enlarged mind" - the extension of what I'm able to consciously retain. You see, I've marked these books and have taken extensive notes throughout their pages. Each book is almost like part of my journal. When I browse through them today, I can quickly find what I'm looking for. But more importantly, I can see and retain what I learned, thought, discovered and mentally saw when I read it the first time.
Passing on Knowledge
Besides all this, there's more to it. For instance, I'd like my kids to read some of these books. (Don't know if they actually will, but when the time is right, I make recommendations about possible reading material. For instance, right now our two oldest are both reading "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", written by Stephen R. Covey.) Of course, my hope is that they will benefit from these book, just like I have. In fact, my kids are already returning the favour. In a few weeks time I will be reading Harry Potter, because my kids have urged me to.
On a practical level, I like to refer to them when I write an article or a book myself. I just finished "The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success" and am already working on another one. The inspired words of inspired people inspires me to produce and share my own inspired text.
So, in conclusion, I've come to realize that there are many reasons why I keep my books. They're actually not only taking up much needed space. On the contrary, their giving me space to live my life the way I need and want to. That's why I believe the symbol and power of a book lies in how it's an addage to our identity. Each book in my shelf is part of who I am.
Are you able to quickly calculate the number of relationships there are in a group of people that all know each other? It's easy. But WHY would such a number, or the question itself, be of interest to you at all..?
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Relationships are one-on-one. The equation of human relationships is (n² - n)/2. So if you're in a group of 9 people that all know each other, there are (9² - 9)/2 = 36 relationships. Imagine the explosive nature of this equation as the number of people in the group grows. This principle is part of the secret behind the power of a human network. The more people you know, the easier you gain access to whoever or whatever it is you need.
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However, let's consider an even more important aspect of this. The flip side. What if you were that person with unlimited resources? Two questions: 1) Would you not like to be such an individual? ...and 2) do you think people would come to you for help?
It is my experience that if we make building a network our lifestyle, people will increasingly come to us for help and (and this is the secret) present us with opportunities on the way. People presenting you with problems that need solutions are usually bringing you hidden opportunities.
HOW do you build a network? By constantly engaging yourself in three key habits:
- Be the best at what you do (PASSION)
- Seek out and build new friends (CONNECTION)
- Give more than you receive (INTUITION)
...but you have to make it a lifestyle. It's only by practicing Passion, Connection and Intuition daily that you become genuine.
Influence is a desirable talent. It's that one thing that would pretty much solve every one of your current problems. It's your lack of influence that's the main reason for your biggest challenges - right now. You better believe it!
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You wonder why I'm so focused on influence as the single most important topic? Well, let's think about influence for a moment?
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For a moment, just lift your vision and view your own life in a bird's eye perspective. Consider every aspect of what you are trying to accomplish, as well as what you have tried to accomplish in the past and also what you will seek to accomplish in the future. Literally speaking, every problem, every project, every single endeavor small or great – the long and meaningful list of things you do and fill your life with... Does it not all begin and end with a relationship to at least one other person? It does, doesn't it? The relationship we have with the people around us is the very making or breaking of success – in every respect. You will have to agree!
Now consider every single important person in your life – see all of them in front of you – and ask yourself: Am I successfully reaching out in such a way that we are working towards mutual goals and objectives, giving me power to influence them? To the degree that you are influential, you'll be successful. To the degree that you are not, you will fail. It really is that black and white.
You may be thinking: “I may not be supremely influential, but I do have some influence on for instance my own daughter.” Well, then you'll succeed at least in part, but in no way will you be able to help her beyond the degree of your influence on her. Or you may say, I'm not yet interacting with and influencing the right or relevant people, but that's just another way of saying the same thing. Think about it. Be honest with yourself.
Success can have a wide array of definitions, but unless it somehow involves people or at least "someone else" it is has no real meaning, does it? What matters - long term - is the modeling influence you have on another person's life and actions. To learn more about influence, learn more about Passion, Connection and Intuition. which makes up the main ingredients or energies of Energation.
The count-down has begun. On Thursday the 30th of Sep 3E is being published.
"The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success" has the following message on the back of its cover:
Networking has taken on a new dimension the past few years. That's why it's time to ask a couple of serious questions. WHY should you nurture and build the people in your network? WHAT is important to the people in your network? WHO is important to you? HOW can you tell whether or not a person in your network is worth your trust and effort?
Only five years ago it was a lot easier to spot a true networker. These days, everybody is somehow into it. With the exploding social media everyone is connecting with friends, family and business associates. This however, does not mean that we're all networking networkers. Far from it!
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A "networker" is someone who is genuinely interested in building value for the people he or she interacts with. The most basic trait of a skilled networker is someone that completely abdicates self interest by constantly asking: "What can I do for this particular individual - right now".
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Before Facebook, LinkedIn and all other networking solutions I kept my network of contacts in a spreadsheet with thousands of key people. For obvious reasons I no longer maintain contact information and current status updates manually like this. (And if you do, you're wasting time. Today's paradigm has moved towards "everyone updates their own information".)
WHY
So, why network? There are many reasons. The most obvious one is "because networking is a lifestyle, and it's the right thing to do". Right thing? Yes, people who care will find people who care. People who don't care will soon find themselves alone. To me that sounds like an irrefutable law to prove its validity and eternal principle. But there's another reason why sincere networking is so powerful: "Because it's smart". With a big network, you'll find that almost any task becomes much easier. There's always someone who knows someone that has what you need.
WHAT
The tricky part in networking is what. The reason being, offering people what they need is being flexible to take a time-out and help people as the need arises. That, as you know, is hard, simply because everybody has a hectic schedule. In my experience, the people who want to help are better at this than those who do, but don't want to. "Intent counts more than technique (Quote: Mahan Khalsa)."
Even more important, I'd say, is looking for opportunities. A good networker will respond to needs, reactively. On the other hand, an excellent networker proactively seeks to create opportunities to create value for others. He or she asks effective questions to uncover needs, connects people that overlap in purpose and effort, and maybe above all - follows up to make sure it went well. So many people create value, but when left without follow up, they miss reciprocity, which almost always appears in some form or another when you're seeking to finish what you started.
WHO
Who's important? That's easy. Everyone is. I'm serious! When interacting with humans you simply don't separate between important and unimportant. You may have a pressing need to speak with someone, but that doesn't make that single person more important or noteworthy than anyone else.
I often encounter people who obviously are too much occupied with title, rank and/or position. Over the years I've learned an important lesson. Hear it from me: First of all, people are of equal value and if you don't really believe it, you'll act accordingly and sooner or later it'll catch up with you. Secondly, but that's only nice to remember, you never know who's who in a few years from now. One quick example:
I once spent several hours helping a young man who was working for a small insignificant company. They had no budget and nothing to offer, it seemed. Because I was responsible for our companies' policies and because I did care, he received all the help he needed. One year later he contacted me again, this time as the CTO of a major corporation. As a result of my previous investment in time and effort we now partnered up and did BIG business.
HOW
How do we know if someone is worth our trust and effort? First, like I said, everyone's worth an effort. What about trust? Do you really want to know who you can trust? The answer is obvious. Whoever does and lives by the above mentioned characteristics:
- People who care because they care - without any thought of reward (WHY)
- People who offer to help when it's not convenient (WHAT)
- People who treat all people alike (WHO)
Be a networker, but make sure to rise above the crowd. It used to be like that. It still is!
Of all self defeating behaviors, the worst stain must be the illusion of change - the fact that most of us remain in old and ingrown patterns and either don't know it or don't believe we do. Real change is slow, rarely found and a tough, honest and soul searching process when it occurs.
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Many years ago I studied the work of Robert E. Hardy on Self Defeating Behaviors (SDBs). Simply put, we tend to establish and maintain patterns, even those patterns that are self destructive. To begin with, that particular pattern or behavior served to help or protect us (which is why we established it), but when circumstances change and people mature, and because our approach is not principle based, it now hurts us, bars our way and keeps us from reaching new goals and higher levels of achievement. In other words, we hang on to patterns of behavior even though they don't treat us well. | ||||
Here's the bad news: We're all deeply entrenched in many self defeating behaviors. Most of them are hard to recognize. Many of them are difficult to admit to. Some are obvious and we hate to face them for what they really are. The good news is: We can eliminate SDBs, if we're willing to face them and deal with them.
Can you think of a self defeating behavior you're suffering from? How would you like to get rid of it?
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Well, there certainly is no quick and easy answer to such a big and important question. However, for the sake of briefly introducing you to what matters most and how you can make it happen for real, here's what you should be looking into:
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These three; Passion, Connection and Intuition represent a proven process for change, improvement and greater influence in the lives of the people around us, just to name a few benefits. You want this. You may not know it yet. However, sooner or later you'll find that success in any area inevitably will bring you to visit each of these three areas. Why not apply simple wisdom and humility by learning more, right now?
"If you tell me WHAT to do, I may do it for you. If you help me understand WHY I should do it, I'll want to do it and get it done, much better". The WHY makes all the difference. Why then, if WHY is so important, do leaders tend to forget its importance?
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Every time I do training, coaching or any kind of work to improve a company's performance I see the same crucial principle at work: Unless individuals see and understand the WHY, no lasting improvement ever takes place. However, when WHY is clear, dramatic change can occur, sometimes even instantly and without resistance.
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| A repeated flaw in leadership is forgetting to focus on individual perspective. When leaders try to make a significant difference, they mostly make their appeal to the masses. Thus, they forget that lasting change of habits and patterns is highly personal. We don't change groups of people as much as we change individual behavior. Help one person see the picture and you're well on your way to actually improve an entire organization. |
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I witness both types of leaders every day and it's fairly easy to spot the difference between them. When leaders are personal and stick to individual follow up they are able to move large corporations. When they don't, they fail and fail miserably.
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Make a Big DifferenceSo if you want to make a big difference, at least three energies are indispensable to getting results. Each energy has a principle attached that guides our efforts in becoming a change agent among people: |
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(1) Ask WHY / WHAT
Action: Ignite Passion by going one-on-one => inner conviction.
Passion is the energy that makes a person unstoppable. It lights up when WHY and WHAT becomes clear. Ask yourself the simple but tough questions: "Why am I doing what I do?" and "What am I about?"
(2) Ask WHO
Action: Make the Connection by executing plans together => shared conviction.
Connection is the energy that bonds us and causes us to succeed together. It brings a spark to every meaningful relationship when it becomes clear WHO matters most to us. Ask yourself the simple but tough questions: "Who is most important to me?" or "Who will give their all to the same mission as I have?".
(3) Ask HOW
Action: Stimulate Intuition by allowing individual freedom => discovered conviction.
Intuition is the energy that brings out the best in us. It shows the way in much the same way as our conscience. Individual answers will come to each of us as we deeply ask ourselves "How should I do this?" or "How can I best apply my talents and my style to solve these challenges?".
Regardless of what project you're in and no matter what your purpose or task might be, sooner or later we always end up asking ourselves: "Things are not going too well... what can I do to improve?"
I believe there are at least three basic questions we can always come back to and greatly benefit from. In my experience, every time I explore these three areas I reach new levels of understanding and conviction.
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1) Am I passionate?What is my purpose? Do I believe in my own "mission"? Am I driven by pure desire? If I'm not, then what can I do or even adjust to reach such emotions? No passion, no change! |
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2) Do I connect with others?Who among all are my key contacts and what's important to them? Does the way I interact with the people around me trigger their passion? What will it take to turn the lights on in my peers? No connection, no results! |
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3) What does my intuition tell me?What is the one and single most important action I could take today that would make an immediate and/or long term difference? What does my heart tell me? How can I apply my talents and my abilities to have a spreading effect? If I were to just be my best self, how would I go about making a serious difference? No intuition, no value creation! |
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So what?
Passion, Connection and Intuition each lead to three distinct levels of conviction. Passion leads to inner conviction. Connection leads to shared conviction and Intuition leads to discovered conviction. Here are three suggestions to how this can be applied - right now - today:
- Increase passion by thinking
- read inspiring literature - discover WHAT
- then... take time to reflect and explore
- then... take notes
- then... make commitments and execute
- Strengthen connection by interacting
- spend time with inspiring people - discover WHO
- then... take time to listen
- then... take notes
- then... make commitments and execute
- Follow intuition by leaving your comfort zone
- seek inspiring challenges and environments - discover HOW
- then... look for opportunities
- then... be flexible and accept the speed of the moment
And the best thing is, pick whichever area you'd like to start with. There is, however, a principle based order to these energies, as you've probably noticed: 1) ignite yourself, 2) ignite others and 3) ignite your surroundings. Try to cheat the order of this and you'll find you're up against a headwind. If you apply yourself to the process, you'll see, wind will start blowing your way.
Whether you're a father, a friend, a boss, teacher, coach or even a lowly servant by formal definition, you're always serving and you cannot effectively do so unless you win the hearts of the people you are trying to reach.
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During our life we fill many different roles. Regardless of which role, in every setting we deal with other people. In fact, a role is exactly about just that: "Who am I in relation to you"? (See also Wikipedia to further explore the meaning of a "role".)
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You've heard it before... the old adage "I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care" sums it up. And even though it's that basic, even though it's common sense, unfortunately it's not common practise. Too many of us are consumed by our own agenda. This time, decide to make that basic change. Don't just read this. Make it happen!
Passion
Well, here's a challenge you will appreciate, and I will turn it into a conditional promise: You cannot win another's heart until your own heart is right. And a heart that is right is open to the vibes of another.
Connection
And what does this mean in practical daily living? Next time you're with another person bring yourself to really look that person in the eye. Then ask yourself, what does this person really want? If you feel uncertain you may even want to ask them.
Intuition
Thoughts will come to your mind - ideas will flow. Then, it's time to act, to reap the fruits of inspiration: Do whatever it takes to give it to them. And remember, the higher the cost and personal sacrifice it requires, the better it feels - for both of you.
And it's not just smart. It's life!
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